Akatsuki Days
by Jinso Kitsune-kun
Summary: What happens when you stay with the Akatsuki? Hilarity, THAT'S WHAT. Rated M for Hidan's problems.  OCxOC
1. Where am I?

Hey guys! This is my new fic, Living with the Akatsuki. I kinda got the idea from Fallen Angels Still Have Wings's Survival Guide to the Criminally Insane Akatsuki. So credit goes to them. Hope you lieks it!

I woke up surrounded by people in black cloaks with red clouds on them. One of them was half black and half white with a giant venus flytrap around him. One was blond with hair over an eye, and a ponytail. One was blue, with white eyes and GILLS? One had orange hair and multiple piercings on his face. One had an orange mask and black spiky hair, and was bouncing up and down like an excited child. One had silver hair, purple eyes, and carried a scythe. One was actually a girl. She had blue hair, a blue rose on her head, and had piercings as well. Another looked like a mummy. The next was a regular looking boy with red hair. The last one had black hair, and strange red eyes. I couldn't help but stare into them, and I couldn't look away. The one with black hair was the closest to me.

"Who are you, and where are you from?" He asked. I strongly willed myself to look out of his eyes. I moved around a little.

"Where am I?" I asked out of fear. The man with the weird red eyes looked straight into mine again.

"You have to answer my questions first. Who are you, and where are you from?" He pressed again. As I stared into those eyes, I felt compelled to tell him everything.

"My name is Fuyuki. My friends call me Jak, yet I don't know why. But I can't remember who my friends are. I am from North Carolina, in the USA, on the planet Earth, in the Milky Way galaxy." I said in a monotone voice that surprised me. The man nodded. The guy with the orange hair and piercings stepped in front of me.

"Good work, Itachi." He said calmly. The man now known as Itachi nodded, and said,

"Hn." I put a calm expression on my face as the dude with piercings talked to me.

"We now know your name, but what is "Earth"?" He asked. I stayed calm as I responded.

"Earth is the planet that we're on. This is Earth, right?" I asked. The piercing dude, as I will call him, looked confused.

"We haven't heard of this "Earth". Are you telling the truth?" The piercing dude asked.

"I don't know why, but when the dude you call "Itachi" looked me in the eye with those weird eye patterns, I immediately felt the need to tell the truth. What was up with his eyes, anyways? Was it some kind of infection?" I asked. Itachi spoke up.

"The Sharingan is not an eye infection. It is a unique bloodline, belonging only to the Uchiha, which I am one of." He said. I looked confused.

"Who or what are the Uchiha?" I asked him.

"The Uchiha are my clan. My brother and I are the last of our clan." Itachi answered.

"Why is that?"

"Hn." Was all I received as an answer. The blue fish guy spoke up.

"Itachi said, 'You do not need to know.'" The fish guy said.

"You knew what he was saying?" I asked astonishedly.

"Of course I did. I'm his partner, Kisame Hoshigaki." Kisame said. The piercing dude looked at Kisame.

"Kisame, don't reveal yourself to the intruder. He could be working against us." He said. Kisame grinned.

"I don't think he's in any position to hurt us." Kisame said, gesturing to the ropes that tied me to the chair I was in. The piercing dude thought for a moment, but was OK with it.

"Where am I, who are you guys, and why am I tied up?" I asked, remaining completely calm. Kisame grinned again.

"He's a strong one. But I think we should ask one more question before we tell him." Kisame said. He got Itachi to use the "Sharingan" on me again, and he asked the final question.

"Why are you here?" Kisame asked. I looked into those red eyes again, and immediately answered.

"I don't know. Every memory I have before waking up is a blur. I can't remember anyone I know. I don't know how I got here, or why I'm here." I said in a monotone voice. Itachi stopped using his Sharingan, and I relaxed. The piercing dude nodded, and Kisame began.

"First off, as for where you are, you are in the Akatsuki base. We are the Akatsuki. I'm Kisame Hoshigaki, *points to the piercing dude* that's Leader-sama, *points to the blue haired girl* that's Konan, 2nd in command next to Leader-sama, *points to Itachi* that's my partner, Itachi Uchiha, *points to Blondie* That's Deidara, *leans in to whisper to me* Be careful around him. He enjoys blowing things up with explosive clay. Don't get on his bad side unless you have a death wish."

"*I whisper to him* Why are you telling me about these guys?"

"Because I think you should stay with us. You have a strong will, you seem like there's something hidden about you, but you don't know it, and I bet you're a great partier."

"Why would you suppose that?"

"You look like the kind of guy who loves a party. I may not seem like it, but I can tell what people are like. I can see that you're a people person."

"OK, then…"

"Anyways, *points to the guy with the mask who's bouncing like a 5-year old* That's Tobi. He's Deidara's partner. He's like the exact opposite of Deidara. He's childish, speaks in the third person, LOVES to play House, and loves appreciation." Kisame said.

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi shouted.

"I bet you are Tobi. Ya wanna play House?" I replied. Tobi jumped up and down saying,

"YAYY! JAK-NII-SAN IS GOING TO PLAY HOUSE WITH TOBI! YAYYYYYY!" Leader-sama walked forward.

"You've saved Akatsuki a lot of money on aspirin, and you're not even a member. Yet. Thank you." I smiled.

"Tobi seems like a nice guy." I said. Kisame laughed.

"I bet $100 that it's two weeks, _tops_, before you want to strangle him." He said out loud. The guy who looked like a mummy butted in and said,

"I'll take that bet!" Kisame sighed and continued.

"That brings us to Kakuzu. He likes money." Kakuzu grinned and said,

"Money makes the world go 'round!" Kisame continued.

"He REALLY likes money. Don't ever bet higher than $50 in poker or you'll find yourself in debt to him." Kakuzu grinned triumphantly.

"Next is Kakuzu's partner, Hidan." Hidan turned to face me.

"I will fucking sacrifice you to Jashin-sama, you piece of shit!" Hidan shouted. I grinned and said,

"Not if I sacrifice you first." Hidan's eyes filled with hope.

"A-Another Jashinist? I'VE WAITED SO LONG!" He cried out. Kisame raised an eyebrow.

"You're seriously a Jashinist?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Hey, so far _God_ has done nothing for me, that much I remember. Jashin-sama will. Lady Luck and Fate will be with me, 'cuz they're his bitches! And Karma's an insane notion that goes into the darkest, coldest, deepest recesses of my mind." I triumphantly said. Hidan hugged me.

"OH MY JASHIN! HOORAY!" He yelled to the heavens. All the Akatsuki were wide-eyed at what I had done. Tobi was the one mainly filled with awe, as I had done what he had tried so many times to do, as I would later find out: Getting Hidan to hug someone, namely whoever was trying. Kisame continued the introductions.

"*points to the red-head (literally)* That's Sasori. He likes puppets." I decided to joke.

"Has he seen Pinocchio?" I asked. That peaked Sasori's curiosity.

"What is this "Pinocchio" you speak of?" He asked. I grinned.

"He's a magical puppet who can change from being a puppet to being a real boy." Sasori pondered what I had said.

"I must find Pinocchio, and use him to create art that will last forever." Kisame leaned close, and whispered,

"He says that puppets are art that will last forever. Deidara says that art is limited, and is a bang. And I mean a literal bang. Prepare for some fighting." As if on cue, Deidara spoke up.

"Puppets are not _art_! Art is a _BANG_!" He shouted.

"Shut up!" Sasori yelled. They began an "art" war. Deidara threw clay bombs that read "ART IS A BANG!" Not that you could read it before you died. Sasori called out his puppets. They began to clash. After 8 amusing minutes of fighting, cussing, and funny explosions, and 7 minutes of boring fighting, I got really angry. I felt rage pent up inside my throat, and let it out the only way I could: Through my mouth.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" I roared.

"DO YOU GUYS BICKER LIKE THIS EVERY DAY?" As I shouted the words "every day", my eyes glowed cerulean. When I said the last word, beams of energy shot out of my eyes, and zapped Sasori and Deidara. Ice began to form around them, quickly turning them into Akatsuki Popsicles. Everyone but Tobi stared at me in disbelief. Tobi simply shouted,

"SENPAI-SICLE!" And glomped the frozen Deidara.

"I don't know how the heck I did that." I stated. Leader-sama stepped forward.

"I think we have a new member." He said. Kisame began to cheer for me, followed by Hidan, and then Tobi, who was somehow stuck to the block of ice Deidara was in.

"Nii-san! Help! Tobi is stuck to Senpai-sicle!" I ran to pry Tobi off of his "Senpai-sicle". I tried to pull him off, but he remained stuck. Kisame had an idea.

"Maybe since you can freeze people, you can also make ice move, you know, with your mind." He said. Leader-sama thought for a moment.

"That's not a bad idea, Kisame. Jak, try to focus your energy into your hands." I did as he said. My hands began to glow cerulean.

"Now will the ice to move with your hands." Leader-sama instructed. I focused on making the ice move with my hands. It started to move in the same direction as my hands. Tobi began to slide quickly, and fell on his bottom. He stood up, ran over to me and hugged me.

"Tobi likes Nii-san!" He said.

"Nii-san likes you too Tobi." I replied while smiling.

Once we had thawed out Sasori and Deidara (quickly, thanks to my newfound powers), and told them to shut the heck up, Leader-sama gave me my Akatsuki robe. Kisame finished his introductions with the black and white flytrap guy.

"*points to Plant Man* That's Zetsu. He's our spy. His white and black side argue often. By the way, he eats humans when he gives in to hunger. If you're friends with him enough, he won't eat you." I nodded and turned to Zetsu.

"So I heard you like plants." I said to Zetsu. He nodded.

"I kinda have some knowledge about plants. I can get you something nice if you want." Zetsu smiled, showing his sharp teeth. Kisame leaned in, and said,

"Told you you're a people person." I just grinned back, and Leader-sama showed me where my room was. I found my room in between Itachi and Kisame's, and Hidan and Kakuzu's. Hidan was glad to have a fellow Jashinist in the next room. Kisame was glad to have his second best bud in the next room as well. Leader-sama decided to have a meeting right after I got settled. We all met in the meeting room, and saw Leader-sama had some bottles of sake. For the first time I had seen, he grinned wolfishly. Kisame's face burst into a shit-eating grin, and shouted,

"BOYS' NIGHT OUT!" We were going to have night on the town, to celebrate my joining Akatsuki. We went to a town in Water Country.

We first hit a bar/casino. I, fortunately, remembered how to play poker, namely 5 card draw and shit like that. We got some sake, and went to a poker table.

"Deal me in." I said. The dealer tossed me five cards. There were four other players: Kakuzu, a man with a weird moustache and glasses, a man with half his face covered by half a mask, like the masks Konoha ANBU had, and some rich dude. The casino had a ruling: You can't wear anything that covers even an inch of your face, or you would get thrown out. They considered it cheating, because you weren't allowed to hide even an incredibly bad poker face. The guy with the half mask refused to take it off. He was immediately thrown out, and banned from the place until he learned to respect rules. The dealer told Kakuzu to take off his mask, and Kakuzu shrugged. What harm could it do? Kakuzu removed his mask to reveal black spikey hair, green eyes, and a regular face. I phewed. I thought there was gonna be a monster's face under there. Luckily, Kakuzu didn't notice, as he was focused on winning the ever-growing pot. We played for a while, with moustache man (as I called him, dropping out) It was the next turn. I looked at my cards. I had:

King of Diamonds

King of Clubs

King of Hearts

King of Spades

2 of Diamonds

_Yes!_ I thought. I was so gonna beat Kakuzu!

"All in." The dealer said. The rich dude laid his hand down first. He had two pairs. Kakuzu had a full house. He smirked, thinking he was going to win. I smirked back. He frowned. Now he knew something was up. There was $5,000 in the pot, and I was smirking.

"How about a bet, Kakuzu, my dear friend?" I asked. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"What's the offer?" Kakuzu asked back. My smirk grew.

"Double or Nothing." Kakuzu thought for a moment.

"Double." He responded. I showed him my hand. He studied it quickly, and his jaw dropped. Kisame heard something bang on the floor, and came over.

"What's up, guys?" He asked. I smirked, and pointed to Kakuzu's fallen jaw. Kisame studied Kakuzu, then looked at my cards.

"Oh…My…God. YOU BEAT KAKUZU?" He shouted. Leader-sama, Tobi, Hidan, Itachi, and Deidara walked over. Sasori had wanted to come, and we remembered he always made people into puppets. So we said no. We didn't want to be labeled in the papers as psychopathic nut-jobs. Well, Hidan thought he could sacrifice some people to Jashin-sama, but I persuaded him not to for the same reason as Sasori not going. It was a guys' night out. Just fun, no killing. Hidan agreed unhappily. He still liked the idea of a boy's night out. And Zetsu, well he wanted to tend to the plants.

"If you get hungry, don't eat anybody, or we'll force-feed you a petunia!" I had shouted as we left. He had cowered at the thought of having a ground-up petunia shoved down his throat.

"Kisame, why are you screaming about someone beating Ka—" Leader-sama never got to finish because he had seen Kakuzu's downed jaw, and my cards. He and Kisame started bowing, and chanted,

"WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOT WORTHY!" Everyone else came over, and, with the exception of Itachi, saw my cards and started doing the same thing as Kisame and Leader-sama. Itachi merely stated,

"You are very good at this game." I thanked him, and he replied with a "Hn." Ah! The language of the Uchiha! Truly fascinating, is it not? I remembered Leader-sama and the others were still bowing, and said,

"C'mon guys. I still have one game to go. Let me finish, we do the rest of our boys' night, and then you can get back to worshipping me like the poker god I am." They all stopped and stood up, dusting themselves off.

"Nii-san is good at poker!" Tobi said. I smiled at him.

"Why, thank you, Tobi. That was very kind." Tobi just giggled. I began to play the last round. The dealer lent the cards. I looked at my five cards. I had:

Ace of Spades

Ace of Hearts

8 of Diamonds

2 of Spades

5 of Clubs

I had a pair, but that wasn't much. I turned in the 8, the 2, and the 5, and the dealer gave me back three cards.

I looked at them and knew I was going to win. On the outside, I remained cool, calm, and collected. But on the INSIDE…

Inner Jak: OH MY GAWD! I'M SO GONNA WIN! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Back to the outside. I looked over my cards. I now had:

Ace of Spades

Ace of Hearts

Ace of Diamonds

Ace of Clubs

Joker

I HAD THE BEST FUCKING LUCK EVER! I kept a straight face. There was $20,000 in the pot, and I decided to make Akatsuki rich.

"Hey rich dude." I said. He looked at me sternly, and said,

"Yeah?" I kept a straight face through the entire rest of the game.

"Deal Time. Double or Nothing." The guy thought for a moment.

"You're tricking me. Well, maybe you're not." He said. I just flashed a friendly smile.

"You'll just have to find out, won't you?" I said. The guy thought, and thought, and agreed.

"Double. Reveal your cards." The man said.

"You first." I replied. The man was confused.

"Why me?" He asked. I licked my lips.

"It just makes winning the money that much sweeter." I said. Oh, great! Now I'm becoming like Kakuzu! The man looked down in disappointment. He showed his hand. He had one pair.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You really should have traded." I said. I revealed my hand. Everyone made sure to get a look at my cards. The rich man was the first to see, and he fainted on the spot. The others saw my cards, and all broke into shit-eating grins. I was sure even Tobi and Leader-sama each had one.

"Five in a row, bitch." I said. The Akatsuki men picked me up, and cheered my name. They carried me over to the finest brothel in the city. We scoped out some ladies, but none really caught my eye. That was until I saw _her_. She was a beauty. She had long, flowing violet hair, beautiful, shapely curves, such kissable lips, and the most beautiful sapphire blue eyes. It was as if I was looking into a sea of pure beauty. It was love at first sight. I could tell from her timid look that she was still a virgin, afraid of doing it with strangers. I talked to the attendant and pointed to her.

"That one." The man nodded.

"Excellent choice, sir. Nobody has ever tamed that wild beauty. Some have come so close, only to have their genitals ripped off at the seams." The attendant said. A chill went down my spine. The rest of the Akatsuki men, even Itachi (:3), picked their women, and went to separate rooms. I brought her into a room, and closed the door. Before I could begin to speak, a knife was held at my neck.

"Don't you dare come near me!" She shouted. I held my hands in defeat.

"OK, I won't go near you." I said.

"You better n—what did you say?" She asked. I repeated again.

"I said I won't go near you, if that is what you wish." I told her. She slowly pulled her knife back.

"You mean…You're not here to take my virginity?" She asked me.

"Well, I originally was just looking for sex, but none of the women I saw, I wanted. Then I saw you. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and I saw that you were scared. I want to help you escape." I said.

"Wow…No one's ever wanted to help me before. All the other men just want to take my virginity for their pleasure." She told me.

"I would be honored if I could help you escape." I said. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"THANK YOU!" She screamed.

"Shh…Shh Shh Shhhhhhhh. You don't want the whole brothel to know our plan." I said. She nodded, and dried her tears.

"Now here's the plan. First, I'm going to need some rope, and a dog collar. I will place the dog collar around your neck, and fashion a leash." I told her. She raised an eyebrow. I cleaned it up quickly by saying,

"NO! I'M NOT INTO KINKY STUFF!" I calmed down.

"The dog collar and makeshift leash is supposed to be like you're my slave, only it's pretend. I will tell the attendant I want to buy you, and he will ask how much. We will come to a price, and I will "buy" you. I will lead you off along with my friends, and you can begin a new life. You just need to follow my lead; also adding things like "master" at the end of sentences, just to make sure the effect takes place." She absorbed the plan, then hugged me, and said,

"Thank you! I can finally be free of this horrible life! Thank you so much, Mr.—err—"

"Jak. Call me Jak." I said. She nodded.

"Thank you, Jak!" She said. I nodded, and I heard footsteps.

"Quick, I need you to moan like you're in sexual heaven!" I shouted. She looked around nervously, but did it. She had sounded like she was reaching an orgasm for the 6th time. The footsteps stopped, and Kisame spoke up.

"Damn, Jak! Never figured you for a masochist!" Kisame said. I shrugged.

"Eh, the (grunt) switch goes on and (grunt) off from time (grunt) to (grunt) time. This is (grunt) one of them!" I said between the girl's fake sexual cries.

"Whatever, man. Just make sure not to keep Itachi awake. It's not good when he stays up all night." Kisame told me.

"Gotcha (grunt)." I said. By what Kisame said, I figured out that Itachi was in the room next to mine. I wondered what was going on in his room, since he hardly ever spoke English. I put a finger to my lips, telling the girl to be quiet. I placed an ear on the wall, and listened quietly. I started to hear moans. Then I heard Itachi's voice, saying,

"Beg. Beg for it. Beg like the little slave girl you are." I made a O.O face, and blood dripped out of my nose a little. I wiped it up, and listened again. I heard some random girl's voice saying,

"I NEED IT! OHHHHHH!" Blood burst out of my nose, and I flew across the room and hit the wall.

"Ow!" I cried out. Thankfully, Itachi didn't hear me, and kept going. The girl's moans could be heard easily. I had to get a mop and stick it right under my nose to get the blood to stop. I just laid down on the bed, and relaxed. The girl had crawled in with me, and was hugging me.

"What's your name?" I asked. She smiled.

"Chiemi." She said. I smiled back.

"That's a beautiful name." I stated. She blushed.

"Thank you."

"I will get you out of here. I promise." I told her. Sleep was starting to consume my thoughts. I closed my eyes, about to go to sleep.

"Thank you…" Were the last words I heard before darkness consumed my sight.

Did you lieks Chapter 1? Itachi's has pent-up emotions. TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!


	2. I Fell in Love

Here is Chapter 2! TOBI HOPES YOU LIEKS IT!

_The Next Morning_

"Thank you…" Those words rung in my head as I awoke. I looked around. I was in the brothel. I felt something grasp around my chest, and I looked beside me. There was the girl from last night. She looked like a sleeping angel, without the wings, halo, and robe. I remembered my promise, and woke her up. As her eyes opened, she smiled at me.

"Good morning." She said. I smiled.

"Good morning." I replied.

"Today's the day you keep your virginity, and you get your liberty." I told her. Tears once more appeared in her eyes.

"Do you have the rope and the collar?" She asked. I looked around. In one corner of the room was a short length of rope, and a regular dog collar. I nodded.

"I have to go wake up my friends." I said. She nodded, and I left.

The first room I went to was Kisame's. I opened the door to find the floor littered with sake bottles. Kisame was in the bed with some white-haired chick.

"Yo, Shark Bait. Time to get up." I said. Kisame groaned as he awoke.

"Damn, that was some night." Kisame said while holding his head in one hand. I nodded.

"And it looks like you've got an incredibly shitty hangover." I stated. Kisame groaned again.

"You got that fuckin' right." He said.

"By the way, I don't like being called Shark Bait. I'm half shark, so it's a contradiction." He told me. I sighed, and said,

"Fine. I'll call you Psycho Shark Dude."

"Whatever." Kisame said. He got out of bed, and slipped a T-shirt and jeans on.

"C'mon. We got to wake up the others." I said. Kisame sighed, and said,

"Fine." Kisame and I got out to the hallway.

"You get Itachi, Deidara and Kakuzu, and I'll take Leader-sama, Tobi, and Hidan." I told him.

"Why do I have to take Kakuzu?" He asked.

"Because I beat him at poker, and he's probably miffed." I replied.

"Fine." Kisame grumbled. I first went to Leader-sama's room. I opened the door to find Leader-sama in the bed with a brown-haired girl. Like Kisame's, the floor was covered in sake bottles.

"Leader-sama, it's time to wake up." I said. He groaned as he rose.

"ME, this hangover is unbearable!" He said.

"Kisame got one as well." I stated. Leader-sama got out of bed. I went wide-eyed as I saw that the bed sheets were sopping wet. I looked at the walls, and saw they were splattered with cum.

"Oh my God." I said.

"It's like a Jackson Pollock painting!" Leader-sama nodded.

"It's pretty easy to make this happen when you can do what I can do." He said.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Watch." Suddenly five people appeared beside Leader-sama. Four were men, and one was a woman. The woman was naked. Leader-sama smirked.

"You have 6 bodies?" I asked. Leader-sama nodded.

"Lucky son of a bitch." I said.

"If I'm not mistaken, I think you're the one with the luck, my friend." Leader-sama said while smirking.

"True." I replied. The people poofed away.

"Let's go wake up Tobi and Hidan." I said Leader-sama nodded, and we left the room. We then went to Tobi's room. Tobi was sleeping like the rest, with an orange haired girl.

"Tobi, Nii-san is here." I said quietly. Tobi sat right up.

"DON'T WORRY, NII-SAN! DETECTIVE TOBI MCSNAZZYPANTS WILL RESCUE YOU!" Tobi shouted triumphantly.

"Shhhh, Tobi. Nii-san is okay. Don't shout. You'll wake up Hidan, and then he'll want to sacrifice you." I told him. Leader-sama snickered.

"Detective Tobi McSnazzyPants?" He asked. Tobi did an eye smile.

"Tobi is a good boy!" He said. I nodded.

"Jak and I will get Hidan. Tobi, you should stay in the hallway. Hidan doesn't do well in the morning, and he probably has a hangover." Tobi frowned, and said,

"Tobi knows. But Tobi is still a good boy!" I nodded.

"You'll be even more of a good boy if you do what Leader-sama says." I told him. Tobi saluted, and went out in the hallway.

"Let's go." I said. Leader-sama nodded, and we went to Hidan's room. Hidan was lying on the bed, with the bleeding corpse of a black-haired girl lying on the floor, a puddle of blood around her, and like Leader-sama's and Kisame's rooms, sake bottles littered the floor, some of them covered in blood.

"Hidan, get the heck up." I said angrily. Hidan got up with a moan.

"Shit, my fucking head hurts like hell." He said. When he sat up, he saw me glaring at him.

"Why ya mad, my Jashinist pimp bro?" He asked.

"You _really_ sacrificed her? Come on, dude, we're in a brothel, and _in public_, not at a slaughterhouse." I said. He grinned.

"Hey, Jashin-sama was pleased. I couldn't deny him pleasure." Hidan said. I facepalmed.

"Just promise that next time we go to a brothel, you won't sacrifice the whore you pick." I said. Hidan sighed.

"Fine. I won't sacrifice the whore next time." He said grumpily. I nodded.

"Thank you." I said. Hidan got out of bed, and we all went out to the hallway. Everyone was there.

"Hang on a sec, guys. I gotta do something really quickly." I said.

"Go ahead, Jak." Leader-sama said. I went back into my room. Chiemi was still there.

"You ready?" I asked. She nodded hesitantly.

"Let's get this over with." She said. I put the dog collar on her. I had to smush her face a little, but it fit. I then took the rope, and tied it onto the part of the collar you attach the leash to.

"Time to go." I said. We walked out of the door. Everyone saw me and went wide-eyed.

"What's with the girl?" Leader-sama asked. Kisame smirked.

"He's a masochist." Kisame said. Everybody looked strangely at me.

"Actually, I'm not. But _this_ guy is." I said, pointing to Itachi. Itachi had the faintest of blushes. Everyone gawped at me.

"How do you know that?" Hidan asked. I smirked.

"After Kisame checked on me last night, I put my ear to the wall, 'cuz Kisame basically told me that Itachi was in the room next to mine. I heard Itachi say, 'Beg. Beg for it. Beg like the little slave girl you are'." When I told them that, blood collectively dripped out of their noses. Well we didn't know if that was what was going on with Tobi, but I bet it was. Itachi blushed harder this time.

"The girl then shouted, 'I NEED IT!' And then, insert long moan here." I told them. Hidan, Kisame, and Leader-sama were blown back by massive nosebleeds. Kisame was the first to get up. He walked over to Itachi.

"Dude…" He said. Kisame then grinned, and punched Itachi playfully in the arm.

"Are all Uchihas like that?" I asked. Itachi shrugged.

"I don't know." He said. I gasped.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasp! You spoke English!" I proclaimed, full of shock. Of course, my response was a single,

"Hn." I sighed.

"And there we go again." I said. Leader-sama spoke again.

"So, again, what's with the girl?" He asked. I sighed. I began to tell them of my brilliant plan. Of how I saw the girl, and fell in love at first sight. She blushed when I said how beautiful she was. I told them of my brilliant plan, and how it would so work. They absorbed the info, and Kisame said,

"So, you can use ice, but you don't got a heart made of the stuff. Nice." Hidan grinned and said,

"Yeaaaaaaaaah! My Pimp Jashin-bro!" We fist bumped. I became serious.

"Let's go." I said. We all went to the bottom floor. I walked up to the attendant.

"I'd like to buy her from you." I said, pointing at Chiemi. The attendant looked at me in surprise.

"You tamed her?" He asked. I smirked.

"I tamed her like I belong in the circus, isn't that right, my slave?" I said, turning to Chiemi.

"Yes, Master Jak." She said timidly. All seven of the other guys had a bulge appear near the middle of their cloaks at the same time.

"How much?" I asked. The guy thought for a moment.

"$200." The attendant said. I smirked.

"Deal." I replied. I handed him $200, which Kakuzu was semi-happy about. We took off, which to the man seemed like we were probably going to do her the moment we got back.

_Akatsuki Base_

We got back, and we all had a secret meeting in my room. Everyone looked around. My room was pretty cool. I had an Xbox, Halo 1, 2, 3, and Odst, a soda machine, an antique Nintendo 64, a Plasma TV, two beds and some beanbag chairs.

"Holy shit." Hidan said. I smirked.

"Yep. I'm awesome." I said. Leader-sama cleared his throat.

"So, Jak, what are you going to do with the girl?" He asked. I already had a plan.

"I think she should join Akatsuki." I said. Everyone raised an eyebrow.

"I have a reason for this." I explained.

"When we got into our room, she was able to pull a knife on me in 3.4 seconds." Leader-sama became interested.

"What can she do?" He asked. I turned to Chiemi.

"What _can_ you do?" I asked.

"Well, I can't do anything right now, except Kenjutsu, but not for the reason you think. The owner of the brothel knew some fuinjutsu." She said. I felt a tingle in the back of my head.

"Isn't fuinjutsu the art of sealing?" I asked. The Akatsuki and Chiemi nodded. Suddenly, some of my memory came back. My eyes widened, and I stared off into space.

_In my Memory_

Memories burst back into my mind like a bomb going off. I saw myself, learning fuinjutsu, in battle, and hanging with some friends. I have snow white hair, dark grey eyes, and tan skin. However, it seemed as if I wasn't on Earth in these memories. In fact, it seemed as if I was in Water Country, Wind Country, and for some reason, Snow Country.

_Akatsuki Base_

Everyone looked at me and saw me going wide-eyed.

"Jak." Kisame said.

"Jak." My nickname echoed through my mind. It was enough to snap me out of it. I instantly became dizzy.

"Whoa." I said, staggering around. Chiemi kept me up, and I regained my balance.

"Jak, what happened?" Leader-sama asked.

"I think…I just got some of my memory back." I told him. Tobi became excited.

"Nii-san, what did you sees?" Tobi asked curiously.

"I-I saw myself, and there were multiple memories, of me in battle, being with friends, and fortunately, learning fuinjutsu." (FORESHADOW NO JUTSU!) Leader-sama widened his eyes.

"Fuinjutsu? Did you see anything that you know?" Leader-sama asked.

"Well, I _now_ remember the basics of fuinjutsu, and some advanced seals. I can also remember how to make custom ones." I told him. Leader-sama nodded.

"Do you know how to counter the seal placed on the girl?" He asked. Chiemi scowled.

"I have a name, you know. It's Chiemi." She said while glaring at Leader-sama. I leaned next to her ear.

"It's not really a good idea to insult Leader-sama, especially if you don't want to find yourself lying in a crater, with no memory, and covered with your own blood." I whispered. She grew a fearful expression. She nodded carefully.

"Do you know how to counter the seal placed on Chiemi?" He asked calmly.

"I don't know what kind of seal she has. She has to show me or tell me." I answered. He nodded, and looked at Chiemi. She pulled her hair back, and there was a slip of paper with a seal on it, on her neck. I inspected it closely.

"Ah, here we go. It's a chakra suppression seal. But it has a different seal than normal. My guess is it can't be removed by hand." I told everyone. Kisame spoke up.

"Kakuzu, I'll bet you for $1000 that he'll get the seal off, and make sure it can't be placed back." He said smirking. Kakuzu smirked back.

"You're on." Kakuzu said. I did about 50 hand signs, 47 to be exact, quickly, and placed my palm on her neck. The slip of paper glowed. I removed my hand, and the slip of paper exploded, without harming Chiemi. A new seal appeared where the paper was. It disappeared, and I said,

"There. I removed the seal, and placed a new one that forbids the kind of seal that was there from being placed on you again. If anyone tries to do so, their seal will explode, probably destroying their hand or hands." Tears filled Chiemi's eyes.

"Thank you!" She said. She then glomped me. I just hugged her, and said,

"You're welcome." A loud "MOTHER-FUCKING-GODDAMN-ASS-FACED-SHIT!" from the back of the room scared us all. We turned collectively to see Kakuzu grumbling, and pulling a thousand bucks out of a sealing scroll. He probably had all his money in there, instead of a wallet, while Kisame had a shit-eating grin on his face. Hidan spoke up.

"Hey! Only I and my pimp bro are allowed to speak like that because Jashin-sama and his bitches forgive us!" Hidan shouted. I grinned at him. Kakuzu had given the money to Kisame, and Leader-sama cleared his throat.

"I believe we need to get back to business." He said. We all shut up, and listened.

"We still need to test Chiemi's abilities." Leader-sama announced. Chiemi smirked, and said,

"Now that that slave collar's off, prepare to be wowed." She did a couple of hand signs, and a gigantic zanbato appeared in her right hand. She did some one-handed signs, and the sword lit on fire. Some of us "oooohh"'d. Seeing the flames dance around like at a festival brought back some more memories.

_My Memories_

Once more the memories burst into my mind. I saw myself in most of them in Snow Country, which was odd. Two memories in particular seemed very interesting. The first was of a little white-haired boy with green eyes playing with some friends in Snow Country. . I realized that the white-haired boy must have been me. My mother appeared at the back of my house. She also had white hair, but had blue eyes.

"Fuyuki! Time for lunch!" She called out. I came running to my house. As I went inside, the memory faded, and I then saw the second one. The second one was from when I was older. I saw someone who looked like a rough and tumble boy. He came over to me, and pushed me down. He kept kicking me, and I almost got seriously hurt. I managed to use my ice abilities for the first time. I figured out by what the kid was doing that he was the local bully. I shot ice out of my hands, and managed to handcuff him with extremely strong cuffs made from ice. I cuffed his feet as well, and took off. The boy's mother found him a few minutes later, and took him home. When I got home, I showed my mother what I could do, and she said I was very special. She told me I had what was called a "Kekkei Genkai". Fortunately, all the memory-watching took about half a minute.

_Akatsuki Base_

Kisame saw me go wide-eyed again.

"Dude, snap out of it." He said. I didn't move.

"Jak, wake up." He spoke again. I blinked my eyes about five times slowly, but was faster each time. I became dizzy again. Chiemi put away her sword, and kept me propped up.

"More memories?" Kisame asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, but this time, I saw something important. I know who I am." I said. Everyone went wide-eyed.

"Tobi wants to knows who Nii-san is!" Tobi shouted out.

"We all do, Tobi." Leader-sama said. He nodded at me, and I began.

"Turns out, I am not from Earth, but I know what it is, and the countries on it." I said.

"Well, where are you from, my pimp bro?" Hidan asked.

"I am apparently from the Land of Snow. What I told you about my name and nickname is true. Apparently, my ice powers are a Kekkei Genkai." I told everyone. Leader-sama kept nodding through everything I said. When I finished, he spoke up.

"Thank you for telling us, Jak. We still want you in the Akatsuki, so you are staying. As for Chiemi, I will think on it. I will tell you all tomorrow." Leader-sama said. Everyone nodded collectively.

"Can Chiemi stay with me while you decide?" I asked. Leader-sama nodded.

"She can stay with you. But she needs to tell us _her_ story." Leader-sama told me. Hidan cheered out in the middle of the group.

"Mah pimp BROTHAAAAAAA!" He shouted. I laughed at his antics. Leader-sama cleared his throat once more, and we both shut up. Chiemi began.

"I was raised in Fire Country, in Kaengakure. It's a medium sized village, and it has a lot of shinobi. Most of the ninja are trained in kenjutsu, and have fire affinities. I'm one of them. The Kasaikage treats people in the village badly if they're poor. I ran away from the village, unable to take the punishment anymore. I promised my family I would come back to help them when I was able. I became listed as a missing-nin after I ran. I ran all the way to Water Country, and stopped to rest. When I woke up, I was in the brothel you found me in. That was a year ago. I couldn't use my techniques because of the seal that used to be on my neck. Men kept coming in, trying to take me. The filthy bastards. I still had a knife hidden in the back of my shoe. I managed to cut off their genitals each time." Everyone looked down in fear instinctively. They knew not to mess with Chiemi.

"There was only one guy who managed to not have his balls cut off. He was elderly, but quick. His name was,um… Jira, Jiracka, Jiraiya? Yeah, it was Jiraiya." Leader-sama growled at the name Jiraiya. We all noticed, but we didn't say anything.

"He leapt out the window before I could stop him from being able to make babies. I kept waiting for someone to get me the heck out of there. A year passed, and many men had still tried to take me. Then Jak came. At first, I thought he was just a regular perv, but he was the nicest person I had met. He rescued me, as you all know, and here we are." Chiemi finished. Leader-sama nodded.

"I will tell you all tomorrow if she stays or goes." He said. We all said okay, and went back to our daily lives. As it turns out, Chiemi was good at Xbox. Almost as good as me! I walked around a bit with Kisame, Hidan, and Tobi. We ran into Konan at around 2:00.

"You guys are finally back, huh?" She asked.

"Yeah. Yesterday night was awesome." Kisame said.

"_This_ guy did something no one else could ever have done." He said while smirking and pointing at me. Konan raised an eyebrow.

"What did you do?" She asked me. I smirked, and said,

"Oh, I just beat Kakuzu in poker, and got Akatsuki 50,000 dollars richer." She paused for a moment, then fell to the ground, and started bowing.

"I AM NOT WORTHY! I AM NOT WORTHY!" She began to chant. I grinned.

"That's what everyone but Itachi started doing when they found out." I told her. She gawped at me.

"Yep." I said. We decided to make lunch. Apparently, I'm a great cook. I made Kisame some lobster, which he enjoyed. I didn't know what to make Hidan, so I asked what he would like to eat. He told me he would like some raw deer, so I went outside, and sadly, killed a deer. I brought it back, and Hidan ate it ravenously. *insert munching, crunching, squishing, and sloshing noises, that would make little kids puke, and be scarred for life* I just stood there, with my jaw on the ground, and my eye twitching. I decided not to eat until tomorrow.

I then thought that maybe I should go buy a few things with the money I earned. I got about 20,000 dollars, and left. I first went to an electronics store, and bought a plasma TV. I had it sent back to the base. I went to a furniture store, and bought a leather couch, some beanbag chairs, and a recliner. I also had that sent back to the base. I lastly went to a video game store, and bought an Xbox, a Wii, and some controllers. I had the last of the stuff shipped back to the base. I finally went, and bought a vending machine. I froze the machine, and moved it using my Kekkei Genkai. I arrived back at the base to find the stuff I had bought at the entrance. It had cost about 7,000 dollars. I also found the corpse of the delivery man on the ground. Hidan, of course, had sacrificed the poor man.

I quickly froze everything, and moved it inside. I set the TV on the wall, and hooked up the Wii and Xbox up to it. I set the vending machine by the wall. I attached the controllers to the system they belonged to. I set the beanbag chairs all around, making sure there was space between each. I set the recliner and couch near the middle of the room. I decided to make the surprise a little bit better. I used my Kekkei Genkai to make ice sculptures of everyone in Akatsuki. When I was finished, I made a megaphone out of ice.

"ALL AKATSUKI MEMBERS AND CHIEMI TO THE ENTRANCE." I said. My voice echoed, and bounced all over the room. All the Akatsuki and Chiemi came in. They all went wide-eyed, and looked all around the room.

"Whoa…" Kisame said. Leader-sama spoke up.

"You did all this?" He asked. I nodded and smirked.

"I bought this stuff with some of the poker money I won. Sorry Kakuzu, but it cost $7000." I told them. Kakuzu frowned, but was okay with it for once.

"Jak gets the next 2 days off from missions." Leader-sama said. Everybody agreed.

"So, would you guys like to test out your new den?" I asked while smirking.

"HELL YEAH!" Kisame shouted. Everybody rushed to use the new stuff I had bought. I told everybody I was going to go to bed. Chiemi came up to me, and said,

"I'm going to bed as well." Kisame saw what was going on.

"OK, you two, but no _funny stuff_." He joked. Chiemi and I both blushed, but I said,

"Don't worry, we won't, _Daddy_." Kisame laughed, and we headed off. We got back into our room, and we changed. I just changed into my tighty whiteys. Chiemi changed into a short shirt, and some shorts.

"Thank you for rescuing me." She said. She kissed me on the cheek, and got in bed. I smiled happily as darkness took away my thoughts.


	3. Here Come the Memories

Author's note: Here is Chapter 3! TOBI HOPES JOO LIEKS IT!"

_The Next Day_

I woke up with a groan. My head hurt. I remembered what had happened yesterday; We brought Chiemi back, freed her from the seal, I remembered who I was, learned why I have my powers, and I renovated the base a little. I checked my clock. It was noon. Chiemi's bed was empty and messy, so I figured out that she had gotten up already. I sat up, my head hurting like someone whacked me with a frying pan. I got up, and changed into a black t-shirt, and some denim jeans. I walked out of my room, and into the kitchen. Kisame was there, sipping some coffee.

"'Sup Glacial Dude?" He said. I shrugged.

"Nothin' much Psycho Shark." I replied. He smirked.

"Here comes the intangible question." I said.

"Did you two have some _fun_ last night?" Kisame asked. I smirked.

"Wouldn't you like to know, ya perv?" I said. Kisame had a little drop of blood come out his nose when I say that. I laughed.

"I'm just kidding." I said. He made a scowl. I became Hidan-preaching-about-Jashin-serious.

"But seriously, don't think about her that way. She's my girl." He looked to my side, and pointed. I looked to my right to find Chiemi standing right there. She smirked.

"I'm your girl, huh?" I smirked back.

"That's right, you're _my_ girl. If anyone else tries, I will give them 12 kinds of frostbite on their balls. Their genitals will fall off when they become warm." I said. She giggled. Her laugh was so cute!

"Good to know." She said through many giggles. Kisame had a look of fear on his face. My head started hurting again.

"Ahhh! God, that hurts!" I said.

"Let's get you some aspirin." Chiemi said. She went to a cabinet, and got out an aspirin. She gave it to me, and I said,

"Thank you Chiemi." She simply smiled. I made some ice, and made it melt in a cup. I took the aspirin.

"Ah! That feels better!" I proclaimed. At that moment, Leader-sama called a meeting. If you weren't there in thirty seconds, there would be pain (LOL!). We all rushed quickly to the meeting room. Leader-sama was at his desk. Konan was on his left.

"I have decided…" He began. I was nervous. I hoped Chiemi was going to be allowed to join.

"After careful consideration, I decided that…Chiemi will be staying. She is allowed to join Akatsuki." Leader-sama told us.

"MOTHER-FUCKIN'-HELL YEAH!" I shouted, raising my fist in the air. Everyone looked at me. The guys all started breaking into grins.

"Mah pimp broooooooo!" Hidan said. I grew a shit-eating grin.

"How about a party? We got a new member!" I suggested. Kisame grinned.

"HELL YEAH!" He shouted. We all cheered.

"LET'S GET STONE DRUNK!" I yelled. We all cheered our heads off, and Leader-sama got out all the sake. We got out a bunch of buckets, and I made the coldest ice I could. I put the ice in the buckets, and we placed the sake in them. Everybody in Akatsuki was here, even Sasori and Zetsu. I got out a bottle of "Yukigakure's Finest Sake", and walked over to Chiemi. She was sitting on the couch, just looking around. I sat down, and said,

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked her. She giggled again.

"Sure." She answered. I got two saucers, and poured our sake in there. After two saucers of sake, Leader-sama spoke up.

"Alright everyone, it's time to play TRUTH OR DARE!" He shouted. We all cheered like the partiers we were.

"Ladies first. Chiemi, you're up." Leader-sama said. Chiemi thought.

"Jak, Truth or Dare?" She asked. I instantly responded.

"Dare. I'm feelin' WILD!" I said. She nodded.

"I dare you to kiss me 'til I'm in heaven." She said while smirking.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kisame cheered. I grinned.

"Bring it on." I told her. She tackled me, and we began kissing like there was no tomorrow. Everyone stared at us wide-eyed. I added quite a bit of tongue, and she melted in my hands. I used my Kekkei Genkai to make it even more fun. I made my tongue pretty cold, and she kept moaning. By then, everybody, even Itachi and Konan had nosebleeds. I probed all the sensitive areas of her mouth with my ice-cold tongue. She melted in my arms like a piece of ice on top of lava. When it was over, her eyes were almost in the back of her head, and she just lay on the couch, recovering from the slice of heaven I had given her. Everyone just stared as I smirked.

"ON WITH THE GAME!" I proclaimed. Leader-sama was the first to recover.

"Konan, it's your turn." He said. Everyone turned back to normal.

"Leader, truth or dare?" She asked him. Leader-sama immediately answered.

"Dare. I got a feelin'." Leader said. Some of us snickered at what he had said. Konan thought of what to say immediately.

"I dare you to give me the same feeling as her." Konan said seriously while pointing at Chiemi. Leader-sama smirked, and he grabbed her. He brought out his 4 male bodies, and began to make her moan. The main him was kissing her, adding tongue. One was nibbling her ear, one more was slightly rubbing her arm, another was nibbling her other ear, and one of them was kissing her neck. She was, to say, in ecstasy. She ended like Chiemi did faster than, well, Chiemi. Once more, the Akatsuki men got nosebleeds, but also boners, including me. It was Kisame's turn.

"Itachi, truth or dare?" He asked.

"Hn."

"Okay, that's a dare. I dare you to smile." Kisame said while smirking. Everybody watched Itachi expectantly. The next thing that happened I can only describe as one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my life. It was so creepy. Tobi jumped into my arms, and hid his face from Itachi, Deidara wanted to shove bombs in his eyes and blow them up, Leader-sama had another of his bodies cover his eyes, Kisame covered his eyes with his Samehada, Zetsu closed his flytrap, Sasori had a puppet cover his eyes, Konan covered her eyes with a sheet of paper, Chiemi buried her face in my shoulder, Hidan tried to sacrifice himself to Jashin, Kakuzu used two tentacles to cover his eyes, and I just puked, unable to take my eyes off the horror. When it was all over, we decided we would never speak of Itachi's smile again. It was Sasori's turn.

"Deidara, truth or dare?" He asked.

"Truth." Deidara answered.

"Are you gay?" It seemed Sasori had a hidden side.

"HELL NO!" Came the answer.

"Itachi, your turn." Leader-sama said.

"Hn." Itachi said. Kisame translated for us.

"Itachi said, 'Hidan, truth or dare?'" Kisame told us.

"Dare! Jashin will help me!" Hidan said.

"Hn."

"Itachi said, 'I dare you to force-feed Zetsu a cup filled with 15 ground up buttercups.'" Kisame translated again. Here comes a lot of cursing, so I'll censor it for the kiddies.

"BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP !" Hidan said. Then he said,

"Fine." He ground up 15 buttercups and shoved them down Zetsu's throat. Zetsu choked, but ate them.

"Jak, your turn." I thought. I then got an awesome idea.

"Chiemi, truth or dare?" I asked. She smiled.

"Dare." She said. I then grew an evil grin. She immediately regretted saying dare.

"I dare you to…" I leaned in to whisper my dare to her. Her eyes widened, and she blushed. Everyone tried to think of what I had said. I whispered my dare to Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Leader. They all said in order,

"OH NO!"

"OH NO!"

"OH NO!"

"OH NO!" Suddenly, Kool-Aid Man burst through the wall, shouting,

"OH YEAHHHH!" How appropriate. I got angry.

"Do you mind? We're havin' a party here!" I shouted at him. He cowered, and slowly back out of the hole in the wall. He had knocked over the vending machine. I patched up the hole with non-melting ice, and stood the machine back up. I turned to everybody else.

"Watch and learn, guys." I made a runway of non-slippery ice. I also made curtains, and a backstage. I took Chiemi back there, and got her ready. I had bought something for her to use. The curtains opened to reveal a topless Chiemi with no bra, and a miniskirt on. Immediately, Hidan, Kisame, Leader, Konan, Kakuzu, and Deidara got blown back by massive nosebleeds. Sasori and Zetsu fainted, and Tobi clapped, and said,

"Tobi thinks Chiemi-wawa looks pretty!" Chiemi blushed at Tobi's comment. Kisame was the first to get up.

"TAKE IT OFF!" He shouted hungrily. I made my hand start to glow a very bright cerulean, and glared at him. He remembered what I had said, and backed off. After Chiemi got changed back into some regular clothes, the game was over fairly quickly, and we got back to partying.

_1 Hour and 30 minutes later…_

Everybody but Itachi was drunk. Even Tobi. Tonight had been the return of Detective Tobi McSnazzyPants, Private Eye. I had been his assistant, the ice-loving, adorable Conrad Jackson. He and I chased Hidan, or should I say, Bob McStabby, the psychopathic murderer. We had caught him, and I bound his hands and feet with ice. I made a jail out of ice, and we put him in there.

"I fuckin' love you." I said to Chiemi. She kept giggling, and wouldn't stop.

"I love you too." She said through giggles. Leader-sama spoke with a drunken slur.

"Hey babe. Wanna follow me?" He asked Chiemi. I drunkenly scowled.

"Hey Leader! Don't you be goin' near my girl! I will make you get frostbite on yo' balls!" I told Leader-sama. He shrugged, and kept trying to kiss Chiemi. I fumed, and froze him where he stood. Everyone stopped whatever the heck they were doing.

"Oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Lordy." Kisame said.

"You froze Leader. He gon' be goin' ape shit on that tan ass." Kakuzu said drunkenly. I looked at Kakuzu with a disturbed face.

"That tan ass? You're gay, aren't you, octopus tentacle?" Kisame asked. Kakuzu steamed like lobster.

"HELL NO! I AM NOT GAY, SHARK PENIS!" He shouted. All Heaven, Earth, and Hell broke loose between them. I resumed back to Leader. I shrugged.

"Eh, might as well get killed when I got love." I unfroze Leader.

"Whoa…Why was I frozen?" He asked. I twiddled my thumbs.

"Well, you got REALLY drunk, and started hitting on Chiemi. I got protective, and froze you. Sorry. Go ahead and kill me." I told him. He stared at me in a confused way.

"Kill you? Why would I kill you? I can get EVEN MORE drunk now! WOOHOO!" He said. We all cheered except for Itachi. I figured out something interesting. Leader was really drunk. I froze him. Now he's sober. Drunk Person + Freeze = Sober. That's weird.

"Hey guys! If you want to get sober, then drunk again, LINE UP!" I announced. Everyone but Leader and Itachi lined up. I quickly cured their drunkenness, and we got back to partying. We partied the night away, not caring about anything but fun.

_The Next Day_

I woke up with a groan. I had a massive hangover. It seemed that, like yesterday, everyone else was up before me. I was on the floor of our den.

"God, my head hurts." I said with another groan.

"Shake it off, silly." A voice said. I turned around to find Chiemi looking at me with a smile.

"Well, hello, beautiful." I said. She giggled.

"Hello, handsome." Chiemi said with a giggle. I got on my feet, and kissed Chiemi. She blushed and giggled.

"A package arrived for you." Leader said. I turned to find him standing there holding a long, wide wrapped package.

"A package?" I asked. Leader-sama nodded. He tossed it to me. There was a note on it. It read:

_Dear Fuyuki,_

_This is a gift from me. I had it made so only you could use it. I fear a war is going to happen here in Yukigakure. Use this to defend yourself. Know that I love you._

_Love Forever,_

_Mom_

"Mom." It ran through my mind. My mom had sent me a package. This must have been old, though. The note was aged. Memories of my mother came flooding back to me. Suddenly, I felt a pain in my chest, as if somebody had stabbed me in the heart. My breath was knocked out of me. I began to cough up blood. My pupils disappeared, and I crumpled to the ground. My package hit the floor with a clang. Everyone saw what had happened, and rushed over. I still had the memory of my mother when I was playing with my friends. Now I remembered something important. Why I was here. I saw a man, who was wearing white and sky blue robes, and a Kage hat. I figured out he was the Yukikage. He was very powerful. He was trapping people I knew in ice. Then I saw my mother. She tried to run, but was frozen solid in a crystal made of ice. She was still stuck in her running position. Before the ice encased her head, she told me she loved me, and to run.

"Fuyuki, RUN!" She screamed. I watched in horror, unable to move, as my mom said these last words to me:

"I love you. Stay safe. Run and don't look back. RUN!" She was frozen with a tear running down her cheek. I was horrified. The Yukikage came upon me.

"You'll be added to my collection." He said. He prepared to freeze me. I looked away, and raised one hand up, hoping to save myself. He brought his hand down, but was stopped. His entire arm had been frozen solid.

"Wha?" He cried out in shock. I forced myself to get up, and ran. I looked back at my home, tears streaming down my face, as I kept running. I ran all the way to the coast. The Yukikage and his army were right behind me. I made a small container of ice, and jumped in. I pushed myself off, not knowing where I would end up. It was a couple of years before I had found land. I was 14 at the time I had run away. When I reached land, I was 18 years old. I felt a bump as I hit the shore of a country. I landed in the Land of Lightning. A man took me in as his son. I remembered two whole years of living with him. Then the Yukikage's men came. They captured him in ice, and I ran away again. I got myself all the way to Water Country. The Yukikage found me again. They chased me into a literal haunted house. I found a room full of spirits and they did some kind of ritual. I was transported into the Akatsuki base. That led up to where I met everyone. Everything went dark. I heard Chiemi's voice.

"JAK!" She screamed. Her voice echoed in my mind.

"JAK! PLEASE WAKE UP! JAK!" She screamed again. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't. I fought against the darkness, trying to push it away. It kept consuming me, slowly taking away my thoughts. I tried to say something, but I could only think it.

"_Mom…Chiemi…I'm sorry…I love you both…Don't forget that…_" I gave in to the darkness. I heard Kakuzu's voice.

"I'm sorry. I can't do anything now. He's gone." Kakuzu said somberly. I heard Chiemi crying.

"NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T BE GONE! YOU CAN'T!" She cried out. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't. Chiemi kept crying. Suddenly, I found myself standing in front of someone. They were wearing a grayish-black cloak, had a scythe on their back, and had glowing red eyes. I couldn't see their face. It was Death himself.

"You must go with me now." He said. I was angry.

"NO! I'M NOT GOING! I WILL NOT DIE TODAY!" Death stayed emotionless.

"You must come…" He said. I became furious.

"I'll fight you for my soul! If I win, I get to stay alive! If you win, I'll go with you!" I shouted.

"Then it's a deal. But I will not fight you. You must fight one of my helpers…" Death said. I got ready to fight.

"BRING IT ON, SKELECREEP!" Death nodded.

"Very well…" He said. He pulled his hood back. His face was simply a yellow glowing skull. His eyes glowed intensely, and there was a flash. When it cleared, there was a horrific amalgam of some kind of plant, a skeleton, a zombie, and a spider. But it stood on two legs like a person.

"You will fight…NOW!" Death announced. The creature leapt at me. I moved to the right, but it changed direction, and tackled me. It kept me on the ground, and kept trying to bite me. I moved my head around to dodge it. I started to use my Kekkei Genkai. I froze its eyes so it couldn't see. I then froze its legs so it couldn't move. I rolled out from under it, and made a sword out of ice. I jumped forward, shouting,

"DIEEE!" I slashed, but it moved away. It broke the ice around it. It punched me, and I flew. The sword broke in mid-air. My back hit some kind of invisible wall, and I fell down. It leaped towards me, and grabbed me. I was restrained, and couldn't move my arms. It was about to bite me.

"NO!" I shouted. I kicked it off of me, and it flew away. It landed down on two feet. Suddenly, it pointed both arms at me. Four vines broke out of an invisible ground. They hurtled towards me. I tried to dodge, but they caught my arms and legs, and pulled me to the ground. For some reason, I began to shiver.

_In The Base_

Chiemi was still leaning over my "dead" body. She was crying her eyes out, and banging my chest, trying to keep me alive.

"STAY WITH ME! NOOOOOOOOO!" She said through many sobs. Hidan patted her on the back. Everyone was looking over me sadly. Suddenly, my body shivered. They all looked in amazement.

"Maybe there's still a chance." Kakuzu muttered.

_Back in "Death's Realm"_ (As I will call where I am)

I was restrained. My arms and legs were held back so that I couldn't move.

"FINISH HIM!" Death shouted. The monster began to wrap me in a perpetually shrinking ball of vines. I was squeezed tighter and tighter, the pain growing. Just As the ball of vines grew tighter, my thoughts turned to Chiemi, and my mother.

"_Mom…Chiemi…I can't let them down…_" I thought. I felt something grow within me. Courage.

"_I can't let them down…I can't…NO!_" I kept thinking of them. It looked like my defeat was certain.

"_I can't let them down…NO…I won't let them down…_" Darkness began to consume all. I saw an image of my mother, being frozen in ice. I saw Chiemi, being captured by bandits. Only their heads were unrestrained. They had expressions of total fear.

"HELP US!" They cried out.

"_I can't let you down…I won't let you down…I'LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN! NEVER!_" I told them. An intense cerulean light surrounded me, and burst out of the cracks of the ball of vines. My voice rung out.

"I'LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!" Death for the first time, was experiencing fear. He heard my voice, screaming to the heavens. Suddenly, ice covered the ball of vines, and spread through the vines that restrained me. All the vines were frozen. They shattered into a million pieces. The brightest light ever created flashed through the invisible space we were in. When it disappeared, you couldn't even tell that I was me. Ice surrounded me, forming an armor of sorts. I had a crystallized armor, made of indestructible shards of ice. I had a cerulean glow around me. My eyes were closed. I was floating in mid-air, my head facing the invisible floor.

_Back in the Base_

Chiemi was still crying, even though my body had shuddered. She heard my voice in her head, screaming,

"I'LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN!" She looked at my body, hoping I would wake up. Suddenly, a cerulean glow burst around my body, and everyone gasped. They all backed away from me, making sure nothing would happen to anyone.

_Death's Realm_

I slowly lifted my head. When I opened my eyes, they had no irises, no pupils. They were entirely cerulean, brightly glowing. I faced Death.

"I WILL NOT LET THEM DOWN! For all the people you have taken from loved ones, for all the hearts you have shattered, and for all the people who cry themselves to sleep, wondering why a friend or loved one had to die, I will beat you, for THIS ENDS NOW!" I cried out. I made a gigantic sword of ice appear in my hand. The creature Death had summoned was too frightened to move. I flew forward, my sword held out. I rammed my weapon deep into the monster, the blade coming out its back. Death cackled.

"Stupid human, this creature cannot die!" He said. I smirked.

"Then I guess I'll make it die!" I channeled energy into my sword. The monster made a shocked expression as ice quickly covered it. Within a few seconds, the monster was completely frozen. I punched the monster, and it broke apart. I flew over to him, and shouted,

"SEND ME BACK!" He quickly nodded, and his eyes glowed once more. Suddenly, everything swirled.

_Akatsuki Base_

My eyes were closed. My throat was dry. I needed air so bad. I coughed. I heard many gasps. I opened my eyes, and bright light filled my vision. My eyes were able to focus, and I saw that I was in the base. Suddenly, something tackled me so hard, I ran out of breath. I looked around, and saw all the Akatsuki members, staring at me in wonder. I looked at what had tackled me to find Chiemi holding onto me, never wanting to let go.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" She cried out. I held her close, reminiscing in the fact that I beaten Death and was still alive. We embraced each other happily. I went into serious mode.

"Guys, I have something very important to tell you." I said to everyone. They all got ready to listen intently.

"I now know why I came here." I began. Their eyes widened, and they all got serious.

"What happened before was because of all the memories I received. All those memories were of 6 whole years. My brain couldn't handle receiving all that information at one time, so it went into overload and shut down." I told them what I had seen in all of the memories. "

I could hear Chiemi, and Kakuzu. Darkness was slowly consuming my every thought. Chiemi, I tried to tell you that I loved you, but I guess you couldn't hear me." I said. Chiemi had tears appear in her eyes, and she buried her face into my shoulder, crying heavily.

"I found myself in a pitch black area, standing on an invisible floor. There was someone in front of me. It was Death himself." Their eyes collectively bugged to the size of their heads.

"He told me I had to go with him. I yelled at him that I wouldn't go. I challenged him to a battle for my soul. If I lost, I would go with him. As you can obviously see, I'm still alive, but keep listening. He told me that he wouldn't fight, but one of his helpers would." I told them of the story, right up to the part where I was being restrained.

"The creature had me restrained by 4 vines. Death told it to finish me, and it began wrapping me in a ball of vines. The ball kept shrinking, and shrinking. My thoughts turned to Chiemi and my mother. I kept telling myself that I couldn't let them down. The ball was still shrinking. I felt courage surge inside of me. As I nearly died, I promised I wouldn't let you down. I felt energy meld around me. For some reason, I had armor made of ice on. And my pupils and irises were gone. My eyes were completely cerulean." I told them of how I had managed to make Death feel fear, how I managed to kill his creature, and how I got back. They all were amazed. Tobi ran up, and hugged me.

"Tobi is happy Nii-san is alive! Tobi would have been lonely without Nii-san!" Tobi said. He got off me just in time for Chiemi to kiss me on the lips. I kissed back. Kisame went,

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hidan shouted,

"MAH PIMP BROTHAAAAAAAAAAAA!" and everyone else cheered. I picked up my package.

"I wonder what's in here?" I said. Tobi spoke up.

"Tobi thinks Nii-san should open his new thingy!" I nodded, and opened it. I found that it was a giant sheathed sword. Tobi "oooohhh'd" when I pulled off the wrapping. I unsheathed the sword to see that it was a giant zanbato, much in shape and size like a katana, but not in width.

"Wow." Chiemi said. I sheathed it, and strapped it over my shoulder.

"I'm going to bed." I told everyone. I went away before they could respond. I just changed into some black shorts, and climbed in bed. I was nearly asleep when I felt somebody get in with me. They put their arms around my chest. I knew that soft touch. It belonged to only one person in the world: Chiemi. I hugged her back.

"I love you." I said. She kissed me on the cheek.

"I love you too." She said back. I fell into blissful slumber, having sweet dreams full of peace and happiness.

Chapter 4 comes out soon! READ IT OR I'LL FREEZE YOUR SPERM! By the way, sorry, but this story will only have 5 chapters. TOBI SAYS SORRY! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!


	4. The Perfect Day

Now I know this chapter is short, but I didn't have much to write. Don't hate a writer. We have blocks sometimes!

_7 Years Later_

Life was going pretty great for the Akatsuki. We had quite a bit of wild parties in the last seven years. We also had occasional fights, but with the help of my Kekkei Genkai, they were over pretty fast. We all learned to get along, and it was awesome. I had finally rescued my mom from the Yukikage, and killed him. I rescued everybody that had been frozen, and was made the new Yukikage. We had met some strange shinobi in those years. I met two weird guys with bowl haircuts and green jumpsuits one day. They talked about youth every second. They were more annoying than Tobi after a whole 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, and I had nightmares about that! My face was contorted in horror, and my eye wouldn't stop twitching for the rest of that day. But let's focus on _today_. Today was going to be a big day. Today, I was going to propose to Chiemi. I had picked out a wonderful diamond ring with a gold band. I was going to take Chiemi out to a nice lunch, we were going to sit in the park, and as we watched the sunset, I would propose to her. I woke up, as happy as I could be. Chiemi was straddling my chest, a content smile on her cute face.

"Wake up, Chiemi-chan." I said sweetly. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at me.

"Good morning, Jak-kun." She said. She rose up and kissed me on the lips. I smiled at her.

"Are you ready for breakfast?" I asked loudly.

"Why are you talking so loud? She asked.

"I don't know. Are you _sure_ you're ready for breakfast?" I asked again loudly.

"Yeah, sure. I guess I'm rea-" She never got to finish her sentence because Kisame, Tobi, and Konan burst through the door, with Kisame and Konan carrying two trays of food, while Tobi carried a bouquet of roses. Chiemi kept giggling.

"Nii-san told Tobi to give Chiemi-wawa a bunch of roses!" Tobi exclaimed. He gave the bouquet to her. I took a carefully placed cut rose out, and placed it in her hair. She kissed me on the cheek.

"And for the lovely couple…BREAKFAST IN BED!" Kisame announced. They placed the trays of food on our laps.

"Thanks guys!" I told them. They all waved bye, and exited my room.

"Did-Did you plan this?" Chiemi asked incredulously. I grinned.

"This is only the beginning of the perfect day." I told her. She giggled some more. We ate in happiness, telling jokes, and stories. We walked around the base until lunch, talking happily to everybody. When it was lunchtime, I blindfolded Chiemi.

"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously.

"I'm taking you, pretty girl, out to a special lunch." I said. She giggled when I called her pretty girl. We walked outside, and I made a plane without a covering, got Chiemi inside, and moved the plane through the air to the fanciest restaurant in town. When we got there, I made the plane disappear, and took off Chiemi's blindfold. Her eyes widened when she saw where we were. We went inside, and they found my reservation. We got to our table, and ordered sake. When it came time to order lunch, Chiemi ordered some lo mein, and I ordered sashimi. We ate our lunch slowly, enjoying each other's company. We finished up lunch, and sat in the park, watching nature all around us. When it came to be 7:00, we went up to the tallest hill, and sat there, watching the sunset. It was time. I covertly pulled a ring box out of my pocket, and hid it at my side. I turned to Chiemi.

"Chiemi, there's something I want to ask you." I said. She smiled at me.

"Go ahead." She told me. I got on one knee. I grabbed the box, and opened it.

"Will you marry me?" Came the question. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she began to cry.

"Of course I will!" She shouted. She glomped me hard, and we kissed, right as the sunset was at its brightest. The world seemed to slow down around us. I slid the ring on her finger.

"Nothing will keep us apart." I said. We kissed again, until the sun was gone, and it was night. We walked back to the Akatsuki base. I found Kisame in the kitchen.

"Where've you two been?" He asked slyly. He then noticed the ring on Chiemi's finger.

"So, you finally gathered the balls to say it, huh? Good for you." He said while smirking.

"At least I did it before you, Double Penis." I retorted. He laughed hard.

"DOUBLE PENIS! THAT'S A GOOD ONE! I don't think I've ever been called that!" Kisame said.

"We're going to bed." I told him, speaking for the both of us. He nodded and grinned. We walked all the way back to our room. We fell into my bed, and went to sleep, our lips locked together.

**SO ROMANTIC! NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST! TOBI IS SORRY! HOPE JOO LIEKD DIS DOUGH!**


	5. The Last Chapter of the Tale

Here is the last Chapter! Thank you for reading this, and sorry it was short, but I am going to make a new Akatsuki fanfic, and it will be full of humor!

_Epilogue_

My life was awesome. In fact, it couldn't be better. 6 months after I proposed to Chiemi, we were happily married. We moved back to Yukigakure, and we began a new life. I am now the Yondaime Yukikage, and we have two children; our son, Akira, and our beautiful daughter, Emiko. I keep in touch with Akatsuki all the time. Tobi loves visiting our kids, and they love him back. Our wedding was great. I remember how it went.

_Flashback to: Our Wedding_

_I was standing at the end of the aisle with Kisame. Chiemi slowly walked down, with Konan holding her veil, and surprisingly, Deidara being the flower girl. When she reached the end of the aisle, the priest asked,_

"_Who has the ring?" Tobi started jumping up and down._

"_Tobi does! Tobi has Chiemi-wawa's ring!" Tobi kept saying. I calmed Tobi down, and we continued the wedding._

"_Do you, Fuyuki, take Chiemi to be your lawfully wedded wife?" the priest asked._

"_Hmmm, let me think…" I joked. Kisame punched me playfully in the arm._

"_Come on, dude. No joking. This is a serious moment." He said. I mock pouted._

"_Fine. Of course I do! Who wouldn't?" I said. Chiemi blushed and giggled._

"_Chiemi, do you take Fuyuki to be your lawfully wedded husband?"_

"_I most certainly do!" Chiemi said._

"_Then I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." The priest announced._

"_HELL YEAH!" I shouted. I grabbed Chiemi, and pulled her close. I kissed her like there was no tomorrow._

"_!" Kisame cheered._

_End of Flashback_

So now we spend our days just taking care of our little family. Everybody still visits now and then. In fact, on one visit, we discovered something amazing: Leader has a weak spot for children. When he first saw our kids, he rushed up to them, and began using baby talk. It was so funny! Life has been going only uphill since I met Chiemi. I rescued everyone in Yukigakure, killed the previous Yukikage, and met up with my mom again. I have been honing myself since day one. I can only hope that you guys have a great life like mine. Thanks for listening to my story.

Hope you liked this fanfic! I will be presenting Chapter 1 of: Rules of Life in the Akatsuki tomorrow or today! YAYYYS!


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